Bismilah Ar Rahmaan Ar Raheem
As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
It’s imperative for parents to understand that the human brain isn’t considered mature until 25 years old according to new neuroscience findings which can explain some of the things our children decide that make absolutely no sense.
Knowing this I use a Six Step System of Corrective Discipline when it comes to my children;
As parents we have 3 main roles;
When we look at championship athletes we don’t usually see all the work they put in to get in shape and be able to compete. We simply see the results without seeing the sweat, pain, injuries, and grit that it takes to win.
As coaches we must treat our children as little human beings because that’s what they are. Communication is the number one tool that we have and the better our communication the better the results. However it is...
My dear son Omar (5 and a half) has always been a little short for his age Alhamdoulilah- and while he is not underweight- his weight corresponds with his height. So he’s tiny all around. However recently he has had a growth spurt and almost overnight he seems taller and even his facial features have been changing. I need to often repeat Allahuma Barek Lahu these days because I think to myself what a handsome young man he is. LOL.
Ok so back to my story. About a week or so ago we went to the park. Omar decided he wanted to do the Monkey bars. He has attempted them before- there are about 7 little bars to get past to make it to the other side. He usually gets past 2 or 3 and falls down. This time however he was determined. Maryam, his younger sister, was starting to get tired and wanted to go home. I mentioned this to Omar but he said, wait mommy one more time. One time easily turned into 6 times or more. I calmly sat down and asked Maryam to be patient- Omar was almost...
Bismilah Ar Rahmaan Ar Raheem
As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
When you hear the word discipline what do you think of? Probably being angry at a child, receiving or giving a spanking, or maybe you think of something that is simply rigid? I’d venture to say that like many parents I speak with that your concept of discipline may bring images of something difficult or challenging? Very few people hear the word discipline and have happy or even neutral feelings.
As a parent, it’s very important that we don’t view discipline in a negative narrow sense because we can inadvertently cause our children to turn away from discipline when they need it most. I want you to think of it like this, Islam is full of discipline. As a matter of fact this was one of the things that most intrigued me when I was studying Islam. I saw structure and order which can lead to a fulfilling life where others that study see challenges and rigidity.
Islam is full discipline and we can see it...
Helping Children build closeness with the Quran
Sadly many Muslims are disconnected with the Quran and simply have it in our homes as decoration. Sometimes it's only taken off the shelves during the blessed month of Ramadan. Maybe we’re intimidated by it or satisfied with any excuse we make up not to seek guidance from it.
Parents have a special task of working to instill interest in the Quran by their children beyond rote memorization. Most people have heard that "an idle mind is the Devil’s playground" and when we hear a child say “I’m bored” it tends to mean that they are usually not exerting themselves.
"What can I do to help my child connect more with the Quran" is a question we get often at Outstanding Muslim Parents. I hope to give you a few ideas that can help spark interest for your children which leads to them taking the initiative to go deeper bi ithnillah.
The Magnificence of the Quran cannot be adequately explained in a short blog post and...
A pattern developed of coming home late after school and staying out late with “friends”. Coming home smelling like odd fragrances and showing signs of a romantic relationship were apparent and easy for anyone who has lived that lifestyle to see.
Late one night Abdullah received a phone call or a text from his older brother (from a different mother) who informed him that he was going to be with Abdullah’s girlfriend. Abdullah and his brother had always been at odds because Ismaa’eel chose Aaliyah and became Muslim instead of staying with his mother. This type of disrespectful talk isn’t taken easily amongs young men. It’s bad enough that a man tells another man that I’m going to be intimate (in rated G language) with your woman, but his older brother says this already being fully aware of the relationship Abdullah has with her. It goes without saying that the young woman in this triangle...
When we bear witness that there is NOTHING worth of worship except ALLAH and that Muhammad is His Messenger, we are distinguishing ourselves and professing that we believe in One God with no partners and His final Messenger Muhammad bin Abdullah.
One of the pleasures of life for parents is seeing their children imitate the rituals of worship when their sons say Allahu Akbar and wants to lead the salah or when a daughter is putting the khimar around her head and looking for positive reinforcement. When a baby is just 1 yr old and they are imitating the movements of salah is refreshing for a parent without question.
What Muslim parent doesn't want their children to carry on this deen and develop a love for it? I trust that all parents want the best for their children and want them to be a means to enter Jennah.
We are distinct in our worship and sometimes we don't notice how...
(For Part 1 click here)
After talking with Ismaa’eel, I noted that his surroundings weren’t what they used to be. He was in a place for over 8 hours a day with non-Muslims and most of his clients were non-Muslims as well. Even though that’s not an issue in general, it can wear you down over time and by missing the congregational prayers and closeness of the local Muslims, his family ended up suffering. Abdullah was growing and he was spending less time with his father in his formative years and unfortunately his family was missing from most Islamic functions at the few maasajid around town.
My oldest daughter is one year younger than Abdullah and we were present at his 8th grade graduation, ma sha Allah. I wasn’t ready for what was next for Abdullah in regards to schooling. Ismaa’eel told me that he had recently begun unschooling his children and that he is going to send his son to a public high school. This concerned me because Abdullah is a popular...
bismillah arRahmaan arRaheem
Allah t'ala blessed me to accept this wonderful deen and I wanted to make sure that my future family would also be grounded enough in it to keep it for generations. My fear was that when I got married and started a family that somehow my children would be weak because I was new to Islam and didn't know the Arabic language or much about Islam period. So alHamdulillah, I did what I could with what I had and studied the language, basic fiqh, and many other topics.
After marrying 19 years old and having my first child, a daughter, I knew that I had a great responsibility, especially living in the United States. I was to make sure my family was anchored with Islam so that they would be equipped to fend off any temptations and weaknesses.
In jahiliyyah, (before I accepted Islam) I was a Christian, went to a private Christian school for 10 years. I lived a fast lifestyle as a youth and detached myself from Christianity as a teenager because something just felt...
I had been Muslim no more than a few weeks when I remember going into the masjid one weekday and seeing this little baby boy, let’s call him Abdullah, waddle around and exploring by putting everything into his mouth like a 1 year old does. I recall how wonderful it must me to have a child growing up in Islam and I asked Allah to bless me with a son or daughter to raise up in this new deen I just accepted.
My wife and I had become friends with his parents, who we’ll call Ismaa’eel and Aaliyah, and found that we shared a similar background. They were both raised Christian and they both suffered ridicule for accepting Islam. I adored their little son because I saw this as a new beginning for the future for his family and later I found that my wife was pregnant with our soon to be first child.
The masjid we attended conducted classes on Sunday and a few nights during the week and being eager to learn our new deen, we attended a couple of times a week. At the beginning...
bismillah arRahmaan arRaheem
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
(If you have not read Part One, click here)
In Stage Three (Teenagers) is when we begin to reap the harvest of our action or inaction. During the early teen years as our children’s bodies develop and they go through puberty is when there tends to be a lot of emotional uncertainty due to hormonal changes as they transition through the process. We must be that much more strategic in our praise by reminding them of successes they’ve had and lessons they’ve learned from things they may have failed at. In the Coach role, we build them up and continue to support them on their road to independence.
One thing we must do as Muslims is to infuse the lessons we have learned from the Seerah of the Prophet (sws) and from the Quran. If we only focused on our children’s psychology without infusing our Islamic beliefs then we are doing our children a disservice. Reminding our children of the jealousy of...