The Ideal Muslim Family

bismillah arRahmaan arRaheem

Allah t'ala blessed me to accept this wonderful deen and I wanted to make sure that my future family would also be grounded enough in it to keep it for generations. My fear was that when I got married and started a family that somehow my children would be weak because I was new to Islam and didn't know the Arabic language or much about Islam period. So alHamdulillah, I did what I could with what I had and studied the language, basic fiqh, and many other topics.

After marrying 19 years old and having my first child, a daughter, I knew that I had a great responsibility, especially living in the United States. I was to make sure my family was anchored with Islam so that they would be equipped to fend off any temptations and weaknesses.

In jahiliyyah, (before I accepted Islam) I was a Christian, went to a private Christian school for 10 years. I lived a fast lifestyle as a youth and detached myself from Christianity as a teenager because something just felt strange. I didn't believe that all I had to do was believe Jesus died for me and everything I was doing would be forgiven and I would therefore be saved. So I disowned what I termed 'Organized Religion' but held to the belief that there is only One God. I had only heard of Islam in passing and I associated Muslims with Elijah Mohammed and Louis Farrakhan. I thought that Muslims had too much discipline and I wasn't ready for that at that time of my life. Long story short, I was sent a book about the origins of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam and after reading Surah Al-Ikhlas (Chapter 112) I knew that this religion was the truth! ma sha Allah!

I share that back story because once I became a father I recognized that the pull of the Western Lifestyle is so strong that Muslim parents can easily lose their children to fitnah in so many ways. I had the strong desire to have some sort of system to teach my children Islam in an effective manner while also using my experiences in jaliliyyah to warn them of the stench and falsehood of kufr.

Now 24 years later, I have seen many Muslim parents lose their children to the Western non-Muslim lifestyle. Many Muslim children, both young men and women seem to be running toward what I was running away from because they have been tricked by Shaytan and assume that there is something sweet in the non-Muslim way of life.

It is unfortunate but no Muslim parent wants their child(ren) to be a victim of the following;

  •  not praying and abandoning their deen
  • disdain for practicing Muslims
  • changing their name out of shame
  • no shyness, no respect for the deen
  • trying to be gangsters
  • having premarital sexual relations
  • reverting to kufr
  • drinking alcohol & using drugs

I have seen all of the above and may Allah allow us to make a difference and help Muslim families stay on the right path by empowering them with tools to help them build stronger families.

I speak with Muslims and many of them feel that hijrah is the best way to go. I have witnessed families make hijrah FROM the US to other Muslim countries and their families flourished with the language and learning Islam, alHamdulillah. I have also seen some families make hijrah and return to the US without any benefit and Allah knows best. We are all in different positions in life but we all have one ultimate goal and that is to make it to Jannah and obey the command of Allah when He says, "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded." [Quran: Tahrim 66: 6]

So with all of that said, I now have nine children, four daughters followed by five sons, and a stepson and stepdaughter as well, ma sha Allah. We still currently reside in the West and alHamdulillah, we have been implementing a system of learning and training with our children that seems to be pretty effective. When we share this with our friends, their jaws usually drop and then they ask how they can copy some of what we are doing. alHamdulillah, we have been having great results and so have thousands of parents around the world that we have been able to help. We think that for the proactive parent that wants to stay out of the dark when it comes to parenting, you’ll be able to benefit and Allah knows best.

Though there is no such thing as the Ideal Muslim Family, there are ideals we all espouse to. We want our children to be successful in both this life and the next, we want our children to have, do, and be more than us, we want our children to be righteous, and we want our children to pray for us when we are no longer around. (If we pass before them)

So it is our goal to continue sharing what has been working well for us and also the lessons from what hasn't worked. We would like to share it from our perspective because we feel that you should understand the landscape you are a part of so you know how to protect yourself.

We know the Western Culture and influence it can have because that is where we come from and most of our relatives are still non-Muslims. We understand the challenges a convert faces with their family and children. We also understand how immigrant families, usually 1st generation, have lost the cultural connection with their children and how and why the children are running toward jahiliyyah. Armed with this knowledge, we plan to equip, offer advice, provide strategy, and in sha Allah you will be able to benefit your family and have them better equipped to handle today’s challenges!

Remember a WISH changes NOTHING but a DECISION changes EVERYTHING!

jazkAllahu khayr,

Nazir binNaseeb Al-Mujaahid

Author of Muslims Parenting on Purpose Vol. 1

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