Shaping the Islamic Identity (Pt. 2)

bismillah arRahmaan arRaheem

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

(If you have not read Part One, click here)

In Stage Three (Teenagers) is when we begin to reap the harvest of our action or inaction. During the early teen years as our children’s bodies develop and they go through puberty is when there tends to be a lot of emotional uncertainty due to hormonal changes as they transition through the process. We must be that much more strategic in our praise by reminding them of successes they’ve had and lessons they’ve learned from things they may have failed at. In the Coach role, we build them up and continue to support them on their road to independence.

One thing we must do as Muslims is to infuse the lessons we have learned from the Seerah of the Prophet (sws) and from the Quran. If we only focused on our children’s psychology without infusing our Islamic beliefs then we are doing our children a disservice. Reminding our children of the jealousy of siblings we can share the story of Prophet Yusuf (as) or when dealing with children’s stormy relationships with their fathers we can share with them the story of Prophet Nuh (as) or Prophet Ibrahim (as).

Reminding our children of how the Prophet (sws) was slandered, boycotted, and how even near relatives despised him during his da’wa can help our children hold Islam as relevant today as opposed to simply historic events. Teaching our children of how his patience was rewarded is also essential.

We must also balance the amount of times our children hear the words “no” and “don’t” with the amount of yes’s they hear. It’s estimated that children hear 148,000 No’s and Don’ts before they are grown and most of those happen when they are very young. If we simply celebrate them when they are doing something right or we tell them yes to counteract the feeling that so many things “can’t be done” then we take a huge step in balance and help in our children’s growth instead of stunting it. This also helps if they feel that Islam is all about Haram instead of Halal.

Being a farmer and focusing on your crop by implementing these techniques over time can help you raise psychologically sound children with a strong sense of identity at ease in their personality. So that when your child is asked, “who are you?” they can confidently respond that they are Muslim who is intelligent, beautiful, happy, proud, or fill in the blank with any positive that fits their personality.

Feel free to check out our store in sha Allah.

Your brother,

Nazir binNaseeb

Author of Muslims Parenting on Purpose Vol. 1

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